The rain is still falling and so are my hopes. I feel so defeated and cannot shake the thought of "it's just never going to happen for us." Yet another FB post last night announcing a pregnancy, another blog today about how it was so easy to get PG from one IUI. I had 3 and nothing but $3,000 lost.
If my Lent prayer buddy is reading this, I'm sorry I'm a downer. But please, pray that the Lord takes this desire from me, or at least gives me the peace to quit and let it go. I no longer pray for a child, I pray for God to take the desire for one away and to give me peace. I ask for you to pray for the same as it's obvious that me being a mother is just not going to happen and I need to learn how to accept that.
As I read this post...I hear myself...so many times thinking the same exact thing. I pray and hope and sometimes throughout the past 6 years, I have found myself trying to convince myself that I can be happy with "just us two". That my husband and I have our dog...and we can travel and work....and have nice furniture and ill be satisfied. I have put my body and my soul through so much and I think this week I finally understood myself....I had a fight earlier this month with my sister (over her telling me not to be excited until there is something to be excited about) ...and I told her that no matter what happens...I will never ever stop wanting to be a mother or dreaming of my children. Even if it never happens...I will always have the desire to be someones mother.
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